Allie's 1st Halloween!!

Today was Allison's first Halloween, and as fun as it was I wish it would of been a little different. No i wouldn't of taken her "trick-or-treating", but it would of been better. Her daddy could of been part of it. Her brothers could of seen her, and i could of seen them. I am so thankful for what i have and how far we have come but it is still hard to do some of her "first" here. Also Saturday was Allison's due date. I wasn't sad, i was depressed. I didn't think it would of bothered me, but i was bothered. I was bothered on how this has happen. When i prayed for Allie i never in a million years expect this to happen. Not that me staying on best rest would of helped, but if it would of i would stay on bed rest for 40 weeks, just to not go through this. These past 3 months have been the BEST and WORST days of my life. They were the best because, Allie was born and she survived, I got to watch her grow and thrive, and the main reason is because i am now a mother. They were the worst because, Allie was born early and had to go through more than any baby should ever have to go through, i had to sit her and watch her struggle and fight for her life, i had to do it ALL alone, i missed a lot of stuff at home. But no matter what i went through is nothing compared to what she has gone through. I am proud of here each and everyday, and no matter what she goes through each day she is so happy and gets over it so fast. I know she knows no different but she has made me a better person, by watching her fight and not give up, and i am sure she could of a few times. I am still very upset at my body, i still morn the fact i didn't get a full pregnancy. I am still mad things didn't go my way. But they went God's way and his way is the best even if we don't like what he gives us. It could of been much worse than what it was and because of him and Allie not giving up it didn't. So as much as i sit back and complain bout the whole situation, deep down inside I am glad it went the way it did. And i would do it a thousand times more if it gave me ALLISON. I love her more than life its self. She is the reason i wake up and the reason i breath. So I am now perfectly fine with the way my birth plan turned to be!